Divorce is often accompanied by loss.
Some of that loss is obvious; we lose our relationship, the family unit, being part of a couple. We lose financial assets and financial security. We may even lose the place we call home.
However, some of what we lose is less obvious.
The loss of identity is often overlooked and can fail to be recognised for some time. When we lose sight of what we stand for and who we are, it can be confusing and destabilizing. It can prevent us from healing and recovering. That sense of self is so important and it underlines how we are in the world and how we behave and plan our futures.
Whatever the circumstances of your divorce, your identity will change. Maybe you will go from being a mother, wife and homemaker to being a single parent, main breadwinner and online dating diva. Or perhaps divorce will force you to reconsider your values and you will transform from a financially successful but perhaps too absent father, husband and provider, into a stay at home dad with a side hustle.
Knowing who you are now, is really vital as it influences how you rebuild, what actions you take and which behaviours you adopt.
Getting it wrong could send you down a path that is not right for you and could lead to further disruption and upset.
So, how do we figure out our new identity?
Some of who you are now, will be decided by necessity. I never had any interest in DIY or power tools because I never needed to but now with the help of Youtube and a desire to avoid paying extortionate fees for relatively simple jobs, I can get by and that's part of the new me. More importantly, this has highlighted a big part of who I am, which is my ability to "figure it out" and be independent.
Another part might be what you left behind a long time ago. Was there something you gave up for the sake of your relationship? An interest? A dream? A personality trait? Maybe it's time to revive that part of who you are.
Then there's the piece you want to be. Divorce is an opportunity to re-invent yourself and be a person that inspires you. What will you choose?
Figuring out who you are now, will serve you really well as you embark on an exciting new beginning. So, maybe it's time to give it some thought?
Amanda Gardiner
Divorce Coach
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